One of my goals before I die is to have a song written about me. I dont mean some stupid silly song that my bf sings to me one night while we are only in his room. I mean a song that everyone listens to on the radio, a song that makes girls cry, a song that boys take the lyrics from and send them to their gfs. I want my Wonderwall or my Delilah. Below is the first song that has been written about me. Does it leave a lot to be desired? Yes, but what can I expect it's the first to have ever been writen about me, at least to my knowledge, it can't be perfect right away.
Sing to the tune of "Hey There Delilah" by The Plain White T's
"Hey there Ms. Pittman
Whats it like in your own double (bed)?
You're absent from my side,
Won't come over for a ride.
I lay with my browndog
With her but smashed to face,
Oh how I hate this place.
I know I toss and turn at night,
And in the morning you look like you've lost fight
Ms. Pittman come be by my side.
Won't cha come on for a ride?
Oh its What you do to me
Oh its what you do to me
Oh its What you do to me
Oh its what you do to me
what you do to me."
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
What's next fratastic
Tis a sad sad sad day when words like "ginormous" and "smackdown" are added to the dictionary, and I would like to thank Merriam-Webster for making this so. Every year they add and remove words to and from the dictionary, I am not so much interested in the words they removed as I am in the words they added. They freaking added ginormous, GINORMOUS. Dont get me wrong I use ginormous all the damn time, but I would never in a million trillion years think it should be added to the dictionary, as if it were a real word.
So basically what this tells me is I can just start making up words, and make sure I say them all the time so other people start saying them and inevitably at least one or two of those words will be added to the dictionary. I mean the odds totally play in my favor here, if I make up lets say 900 words I think I am at least guaranteed that three words will end up in the dictionary at some point in time.
My first official word is "shmeeling". Shmeeling - a female feeling or emotion not easily defined or understood. Usually brought on for no particular and rapidly appears and then disappears. Learn it and use it blognation. More words to come I promise.
In case you were wondering here is 20 of the new "words" Merriam-Webster added to the dictoinary:
1. agnolotti
2. Bollywood
3. chaebol
4. crunk
5. DVR
6. flex-cuff
7. ginormous
8. gray literature
9. hardscape
10. IED
11. microgreen
12. nocebo
13. perfect storm
14. RPG
15. smackdown
16. snowboardcross
17. speed dating
18. sudoku
19. telenovela
20. viewshed
So basically what this tells me is I can just start making up words, and make sure I say them all the time so other people start saying them and inevitably at least one or two of those words will be added to the dictionary. I mean the odds totally play in my favor here, if I make up lets say 900 words I think I am at least guaranteed that three words will end up in the dictionary at some point in time.
My first official word is "shmeeling". Shmeeling - a female feeling or emotion not easily defined or understood. Usually brought on for no particular and rapidly appears and then disappears. Learn it and use it blognation. More words to come I promise.
In case you were wondering here is 20 of the new "words" Merriam-Webster added to the dictoinary:
1. agnolotti
2. Bollywood
3. chaebol
4. crunk
5. DVR
6. flex-cuff
7. ginormous
8. gray literature
9. hardscape
10. IED
11. microgreen
12. nocebo
13. perfect storm
14. RPG
15. smackdown
16. snowboardcross
17. speed dating
18. sudoku
19. telenovela
20. viewshed
Monday, July 2, 2007
Dear Starbucks
I recently went to Starbucks to enjoy what I had hoped would be a wonderful cup of flavored coffee, but much to my dismay turned out to be an iced cup of crap in turn please find my below letter to Starbucks expressing my deep disappointment.
Dear Starbucks,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter, but I would be remiss if I did not address the disappointment that you have brought me. For many years now I have been a loyal patron of yours, I never stray or faultier in my affection for your liquid delight. When you increase your prices I agree to pay them as I am always satisfied despite the fact that I have to empty my savings account to purchase a Venti Iced NF Vanilla Latte or a Lite Caramel Frap or a Venti Black Tea Lemonade Sweetened. I do it because you have never let me down, that is until yesterday. I was traveling back from a long journey to Bonneau, SC for a family gathering when my road companion and I got an over whelming urge for your sweet coffee goodness. We diverted from our original path of travel to a local Barnes & Noble that so wonderfully serves your multitude of beverages.
My traveling companion, Michael decided to play it safe with a Grande Peppermint Mocha or Christmas in a cup as I so affectionately like to call it, and I made the fatal mistake of diverting from my usual 4 choices to a new selection that was so gloriously posted all along the B & N Starbucks Cafe. I my friend, went with a Grande NF Iced Raspberry Mocha. I must confess I was swayed by the shiny posters and the colorful pictures of the whip cream topped Raspberry disaster. I waited with anticipation as the Barista made my new found drink and took the first sip with a smile on my face, a smile that quickly faded. I was devastated by what was in my hand, and hurt by your evil trick.
Starbucks, why would you do this to me? Why would you lead me down such an evil and nasty path. I was forced to throw away the horrible decision that I had made as I could no longer look at the evidence of your betrayal. This NF Iced Raspberry Mocha tasted more like a raspberry chocolate covered butt hole than a cup of coffee. It was quite frankly one of the worst things I have ever consumed.
It will take me a long time to ever trust you again Starbucks, from now on I will know that your suggested drinks are nothing more then evil tricks, and I will NOT be taking them
Sincerely,
Sarah
Dear Starbucks,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter, but I would be remiss if I did not address the disappointment that you have brought me. For many years now I have been a loyal patron of yours, I never stray or faultier in my affection for your liquid delight. When you increase your prices I agree to pay them as I am always satisfied despite the fact that I have to empty my savings account to purchase a Venti Iced NF Vanilla Latte or a Lite Caramel Frap or a Venti Black Tea Lemonade Sweetened. I do it because you have never let me down, that is until yesterday. I was traveling back from a long journey to Bonneau, SC for a family gathering when my road companion and I got an over whelming urge for your sweet coffee goodness. We diverted from our original path of travel to a local Barnes & Noble that so wonderfully serves your multitude of beverages.
My traveling companion, Michael decided to play it safe with a Grande Peppermint Mocha or Christmas in a cup as I so affectionately like to call it, and I made the fatal mistake of diverting from my usual 4 choices to a new selection that was so gloriously posted all along the B & N Starbucks Cafe. I my friend, went with a Grande NF Iced Raspberry Mocha. I must confess I was swayed by the shiny posters and the colorful pictures of the whip cream topped Raspberry disaster. I waited with anticipation as the Barista made my new found drink and took the first sip with a smile on my face, a smile that quickly faded. I was devastated by what was in my hand, and hurt by your evil trick.
Starbucks, why would you do this to me? Why would you lead me down such an evil and nasty path. I was forced to throw away the horrible decision that I had made as I could no longer look at the evidence of your betrayal. This NF Iced Raspberry Mocha tasted more like a raspberry chocolate covered butt hole than a cup of coffee. It was quite frankly one of the worst things I have ever consumed.
It will take me a long time to ever trust you again Starbucks, from now on I will know that your suggested drinks are nothing more then evil tricks, and I will NOT be taking them
Sincerely,
Sarah
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Riddle me this
I have some questions I would like to present to all my many readers, these are things I, although extremely intelligent, have not been able to figure out.
1. Why do people think they can just eat/take whatever they want in the fridge at work? I don't mind sharing (as long as it's on a very limited basis), but what I do mind is people thinking that the salad dressing or crackers or pretzels are there for community consumption. Um, did you buy those? No, you didn't and do you know what that means? That means someone else did, and that someone is me so stop eating my shit bitch.
2. People that drive slow in the left hand lane. Have you ever driven before, don't they teach you to get out of my way when you take your driving test? The left lane is for going fast. And, the thing that really gets me are the people that get pissed off when I have to honk and yell at them. Why do people do this? Why do people think that just because they have a car they can drive like crap and act like no one else is on the road?
3. Why can Outlook never work properly EVER?
4. Why are my contacts always always always fuck up, and my eyes are wonky wonky wonky? I seriously have the most f'ed up eyes ever. Why cant I just have regular eyes?
5. Why cant the sub ladies at Harris Teeter make subs right? I'm sorry isn't that your job to make a freaking sub? I love turkey and I love when turkey sandwiches are $2.49, so naturally I go to Harris Teeter on Tuesdays and get the $2.49 sub, and by 'I go" I mean I send my intern to go. But my intern is home sick today aka hungover so I had to go to Harris Teeter, and it was a horrible experience. Is it really that hard to make a sub I don't think so. P.S. I'm pretty certain I've bitched about shitty sub making before, it's very important to me.
and last but not least Why haven't I been able to find someone yet that wants to just give me money because I'm cute?
1. Why do people think they can just eat/take whatever they want in the fridge at work? I don't mind sharing (as long as it's on a very limited basis), but what I do mind is people thinking that the salad dressing or crackers or pretzels are there for community consumption. Um, did you buy those? No, you didn't and do you know what that means? That means someone else did, and that someone is me so stop eating my shit bitch.
2. People that drive slow in the left hand lane. Have you ever driven before, don't they teach you to get out of my way when you take your driving test? The left lane is for going fast. And, the thing that really gets me are the people that get pissed off when I have to honk and yell at them. Why do people do this? Why do people think that just because they have a car they can drive like crap and act like no one else is on the road?
3. Why can Outlook never work properly EVER?
4. Why are my contacts always always always fuck up, and my eyes are wonky wonky wonky? I seriously have the most f'ed up eyes ever. Why cant I just have regular eyes?
5. Why cant the sub ladies at Harris Teeter make subs right? I'm sorry isn't that your job to make a freaking sub? I love turkey and I love when turkey sandwiches are $2.49, so naturally I go to Harris Teeter on Tuesdays and get the $2.49 sub, and by 'I go" I mean I send my intern to go. But my intern is home sick today aka hungover so I had to go to Harris Teeter, and it was a horrible experience. Is it really that hard to make a sub I don't think so. P.S. I'm pretty certain I've bitched about shitty sub making before, it's very important to me.
and last but not least Why haven't I been able to find someone yet that wants to just give me money because I'm cute?
Friday, June 8, 2007
People, people, people
First thing is first to all my thousands of readers pictures of my brother as promised.
Second, I would like to address how freaking annoying it is when someone has an issue with you and instead of actually addressing it with you they decide to bitch about it to someone else. Bitch if you have a problem with something I said or did man up and say something to me about it. Case in point my friend, lets call him Shmuce tends to get really really drunk and sketch out and we all know this and we love him and that's ok, because that's what he does, so we all make sure to look out for Shmuce because heaven knows where he would end up if we didnt. So Shmuce was wearing a hat last night and this hat ended up on another girl's head, so around whatever time it was I cant find Shmuce so I ask the girl that is wearing his hat, lets call her Bitch 1 where Shmuce is and she responds with "who", I repeat the question she again responds with "who" and is getting a little pissy and I point to the hat and say "Shmuce the guy whose hat you are wearing, do you know where he is?" and "she's like oh, yeah no." Now I'm sorry but if you are wearing someone's hat and oh yeah have been hanging out with this person all damn night shouldnt you at least know who the fuck they are. At this point I realize Shmuce has probably peaced out to go do how knows what, so I decided to walk up to her and just take the hat, cause I dont like her. Now, I do realize that this probably wasnt the most mature thing to do, but I did it and I'd do it again.
So after this Bitch 1's sister Bitch 2 decides to call my friend and bitch about what I did. Um, I'm sorry are we in fifth grade do you really feel the need to tattle-tell on me? If you have a problem with something I said or did then address it with me not our mutual friend. FUCK. Sorry that just really makes me mad. Is it really neccessary to drag someone else into something as stupid as me taking a hat off your bitch sister's head. No, and the thing that gets me is that's such a stupid girl move. Hence the reason most of my friends are dudes, because guys dont play that shit. I cant deal with all that stupid drama.
Ugh, whatevs. Have a happy weekend!
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
CONGRATULATIONS!
My little brother is graduating high school today and I'm slightly freaking out for various reasons, but that's neither here nor there. It's a short post today with the sole purposes of wishing my bubba Congratulations. I LOVE YOU ROSS! I'm so proud of you and wish the world for you. You are truly a wonderful person, I couldnt have asked for a better brother.
P.S. I was going to add some pictures, but the damn thing wont work.
P.S. I was going to add some pictures, but the damn thing wont work.
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
Raise Your Hand if You are a Loser
FYI, my hand is raised. There are many different ways to be a loser, you can have no friends and stay home every single night of your life, you can play dungeons and dragons, you can wear heeleys and be over the age of 9 (j/k, or am I), you can be unfunny, you can not like to drink, or you can be like me and be a 24 year old workaholohic. This is nothing new I have been a workaholohic since basically forever, and I'm ready for a change. I wouldn't mind being a workaholohic if I had this really cool really amazing job that I loved going to every single day, or if i was doing something that actually made a difference a real difference, but I don't have either one of those. Don't get me wrong my job can be really cool, two weeks ago I did 300 person cocktail reception and dinner at the Statue of Liberty, last October I did a Gala with the First Lady in NYC, last week I was on a call with the Secretary of the Department of the Interior; but overall I don't find satisfaction in my job. Perhaps it is because I have been here for 7 years, and I am only 24 and naturally ready for a change. Honestly I get bored with dating someone after 3 months and I have been with the same company for 7 years.
So the question now is "what am i going to do to fix this situation?", and honestly I don't know. I am moving to NYC which is huge, because I have lived in Chucktizzle my whole life so that is a start, but the next logical answer to my problem is finding a new job and that is so scary. I know, I know I'm a loser. Most people that are 24 aren't this attached to their jobs, most 24 year olds can pack up and leave at the drop of a hat, are travelling the country side, are actually living their lives, but not me, because I am a 24 year old workaholohic and have a weird attachment to my job.
Ok this is what we are going to do people, I want each one of you to find me a job; something fun, something fab, something challenging, something that allows me to feel like I'm actually doing something good for mankind, and hopefully one of the thousands of offers I will get will hopefully help me turn my frown upside down and be happy with what I am doing. Please and thank you.
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