What I would do with a million dollars

The first thing I would do with a million dollars is pay off my mass amount of debt that I have. You see in a matter of several years I have been able to rack up oh I don't know a crap ton of debt, yes some of this is student loans, but a lot of this is credit card debt because I love shoes, and purses, and dresses, and skirts, and coats(I have like 12 different winter coats, and I live in Charleston, SC), and getting drunk and buying shots. I would mail a check to American Express for the full amount that I owe them with a note that says something along the lines of "Suck a D" or something like that, and then mail several other checks to pay off my student loans, but these would be void of notes telling them off.

The second thing I would do is pay off my parents house and buy them each a new car, because duh they have done so much for me. I don't think I really need to elaborate on this one. I was young I totalled some cars more than once, I lost a scholarship and yet they still love me and stick by me despite everything, and buying them each a car is the least I can do.

I would then buy something really cool for my brother. I don't know what that would be, but something really cool. Maybe a hooker. I'm just kidding. He doesn't get a new car, because after all it is only $1 million, but I would buy him something he really wants.

I would invest a lot of it. Probably in some low risk stocks, because I'm lame. But this is the responsible thing to do and as you can see by the #1 thing I would do with my new found riches I'm trying to be responsible.

I would take my friends on vaka. Again no where like Dubai (Sorry Kerrington), because a million smackers wont buy what it use to, but some where fun and on the beach with an amazing night life. I'll take suggestions if you have them just in case I really do get a million dollars I'd like to be prepared.

After getting back from my week long vaka and sporting my new tan I'd go on a shopping spree. I'd buy several amazing outfits form Saks or Neimans or where ever the hell I wanted, and then go to Gucci and buy a beautiful wonderful Gucci purse and then I'd go to Christian Louboutin to buy a beautiful pair of shoes that could double as a piece of artwork, next stop on the Sarah Pittman shopping spree is Tiffany for a nice piece of jewelry that I can wear all the time.

I'd buy something special for Ashley, but I'm not going to say what that something special is, because I want it to be a surprise.

I would then get a really amazing person to teach me some guitar lessons, because I have a guitar, but cant play it worth a crap, and who doesn't want to be the guitar guy/girl at the party. Hello, Mike Birbiglia song (thanks Ash and Erin (he's a guy even though he spells it like a girl)) I know I do.

I think that's pretty much it. In case you were wondering, since I'll be living in NYC when I get my million I'm not going to buy a car, because that's just too much what with parking etc, maybe I'd buy a Vespa instead. If a Vespa's cool enough for Darren Silverman than a Vespa is cool enough for me.