Alive and Kicking

Yes, I am alive I've just been really busy lately, wait no that's not the right word lazy, yes I've been really lazy lately. I know I'm never going to get famous from this blog if I don't do it on a regular basis I'm working through that. I figure it's best before just jumping right back into things to give everyone a quick update on my life.

I am now part time. My boss is having a hard time with that, I'm learning to take that as a compliment. I am after all awesome, but I don't need to tell y'all that. I'm using my free time (I've had 3 days off total it's weird) to you know sleep and hmmmm that seems to be all that I've done. Well update my blog so that's something. But seriously I need to clean my room, have you seen my room it just keeps getting worse I literally have to step over mounds of crap to get to my bed. My boyfriend thinks the reason I spend the night at his house so much is because I like being around him the truth is I have shit all over my bed.

Carolina football has turned to crap so I'm beyond depressed about that. I haven't flown my flags on a Monday in four weeks FOUR WEEKS. Come on Steve Spurrier figure out how to stop the freaking run would you. Don't you just love it when i talk sports. Hopefully the off weekend will give them some time to rest.

Speaking of weekends I'm meeting Michael's ex-gf this weekend. I've told him not to worry I will be sure to get drunk and make an ass out of myself. The only person to laugh at that was Ashley. I think everyone else is worried I am actually going to get drunk and make an ass out of myself.

I went to Vegas last weekend with a colleague of mine and Michael. It was a last minute work trip and I was able to fly Michael out with me. He dressed up as Snuggle Bear that was entertaining for everyone except Michael. I won $29 on the slot machines, I always said if I was up I would cash out and I did. I was going to keep that $29 for forever, but I needed starbucks and gas yesterday oh well. On the Starbucks note may i suggest the gingerbread latte it is a good holiday special drink they do unlike the raspberry mocha, but we don't need to open that can of worms again do we.

For all those slow on the uptake that's Michael dressed as Snuggle Bear.

So that is what has been going on with me. Don't hold back what is going on with everyone else. Anyone pregnant, married, recently divorced.

Before I sign off I want to offer a big thank you to all the Vets out there sorry I'm a few days late. My Dad is a vet, my grandfather is buried in Arlington National Cemetery, and I have 2 great aunts and 2 great uncles that were in WWII. You hold a special place in my heart and I love and appreciate all that you do. Thank you for allowing us to live free.

Can you name your favorite weekend? I can

Last weekend was awesome awesome awesome. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome it was. Ok Friday night Michael and I went to The Griffin to meet up with Kate who I have not seen in forever because she's always stuck up her boyfriends butt. I wore my new shoes out so I was very happy about that, to be honest that probably trumped my excitement to hang out with Kate. Does that make me a bad friend? Oh well. We had some drinks, we hung out, someone danced on the bar that wasn't meant to be danced on, but people still appreciated it (no, it wasn't me and it wasn't Kate).

Saturday morning Michael and I woke up dropped Brown Dog off at my parents house and started on our 5 hour drive to a little place called Atlanta, GA. Why were we going to Atlanta you ask, for the Dave Matthews Allman Brothers Concert at Piedmont Park. Hello amazing concert. I know what you are thinking how could you go to Atlanta when the Gamecocks were playing Georgia in Athens, well my friends it was a hard decision, but this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and we already planned a head and had a litany of people prepared to text us game updates. So we get to my friend Caitlin's house eat some lunch chug some beers and head down to the MARTA. We have to drive to the station which presents a bit of a problem because there is no where to park, so by the time we find a place to park I have lost by buzz and didn't bring anything with me that would allow me to regain my buzz, not to mention we are also running late so I am very very frustrated at this point in time. We board the MARTA along with hundreds of other people going to the concert. We finally make it to the concert only to have to stand in line for ONE hour to get beers I shit you not we stood in line for ONE FULL HOUR. We both got 3 beers each and made our way to the field to see what was left of the Allman Brothers show.

Kickoff for the Carolina Game was at 5:45 so by the time we had gotten beers and found a place to sit/stand Carolina was already up 7-0. Michael had predicted a Carolina victory, I on the other hand was remaining reserved in my hopes for the out come of the game. As a long time Carolina fan I've had to learn to curtail my expectations as I can only take so much heartache, and anyone that knows college football knows Carolina's program is built on heartache. So while I am flying high on the fact that Carolina scored first I have to remind myself this doesn't mean we are going to win.

Michael and I finish our hot and flat beers, flat because they had to open every beer that was purchased so no one was able to resell them. Yeah, because I'm going to resell the beers I just spent an hour of my life waiting in line for not happening. We decide to head to the completely disgusting pot-a-johns before Dave came on again another line that was so long you could die in it. As we waited in line to catch some terrible disease from the disgusting toilets Michael and I are surrounded by Georgia fans eager to know the score of the game we happily oblige, letting them know that Georgia indeed sucks and Carolina is awesome because we are still wining.

Dave goes on, the beer lines get shorter we are checking our phones like crazy people by this time we are into the 2nd half of the game. I get to a point where I just cant take it any more and instruct all updates to be stopped until the game is over. We are rocking out to Dave making friends hanging out having a good time. When this dude next to us pulls out a flask of Whiskey and asks Michael if he wants some of course I was like um, pass that shit here. Then his girlfriend offers me a smoke, and I'm like who are these people and what good deed did I do to deserve them as my new concert friends. I'm drinking their Whiskey smoking their smokes and thanking God he gave us such cool people to stand next to.

I cannot tell a lie even with my new cool concert friends I was having a terrible time concentrating on the concert, I was eaten up with desire to know what happened in the Carolina Game, and then all of a sudden it happened I got a text that read "Go Gamecocks good job Carolina". I look at Michael and I'm like what does this what does this text mean did Carolina win for the love of all things expensive what does this mean. Michael is furiously trying to access the Internet from his phone in all hopes of keeping me from having an aneurysm and then we get it we get the final results Carolina 16 Georgia 12. Holy Crap Carolina Won Carolina Won, I call my Dad, because I always call my Dad when Carolina does something awesome and go on about the game for a few minutes. Georgia fans all around us are crying because they cant take the lose. We fill up with more beers and make our way to the middle front of the stage to hippy dance to Dave and finish rocking the night away as we are joyous in our Carolina Victory.

We drove home Sunday flying our Carolina flags proudly. I love football beer and good music, despite the crap in the beginning it was definitely an amazing time.

Yet another reason why VW sucks

I recently received a recall notice from VW something about a plastic tag on the windshield washer switch that rubs against the FUEL LINE and can cause FIRES. FIRES. So I call the the VW place and say the following:

Me: I'm calling about the recall on my 2006 Jetta
Woman: The brake light recall?
Me: What? There's more than one?
Woman: Oh, what recall are you calling about?
Me: The FUEL LINE FIRE recall. Is there something wrong with my brake lights?
Woman: Well we don't know we will have run the vin number.
Me: Fine I'll bring it in whenever

Um, excuse me so not only is my car going to set on fire my freaking brake lights don't work. What fine fine piece of equipment I have purchases. The only good thing VW has to offer are the commercials.

On a much more pleasant note Carolina Football starts Saturday. 7:00pm Carolina vs. Louisana-Lafayette. Find a bar with Game Day and watch it.

LET'S GO GAMECOCKS!

Justin Timberlake + drinking = puking in the car

I recently went to NYC to see Justin Timberlake at Madison Square Garden with my friend/coworker, Jackie and Charles the intern. Jackie and I started the trip out by staying at The Hotel on Rivington, a hotel that appeared to be in the ghetto. Not having a clue as to where I was even though I go to NYC quit a bit the graphite and what I could only assume where gang members hanging around lead me to ask at least three different people if I was going to get shot because I wore the wrong color. We quickly realized we were not in the ghetto we were on the Eastside, my favorite side, so my spirits were some what raised despite the fact that the room was extremely sparse and not at all the luxurious accommodations Jackie and I are use to (we travel in style bitches). Jackie and I decided to dine in style before the big JT concert so we went to Pastis, perhaps you have heard of it. Before our entrees had arrived Jackie had already had at least a bottle of wine and I was busy drinking as many Brooklyn Brown Ale's as I could pour down my throat. Before leaving we had to finish the dinner off with a champagne toast and a cheers to the good times.

We made our way to MSG just in time to order a few beers and hear the very end of Good Charlotte. I could personally care less about Good Charlotte hence my nonstop yelling for Nicole Richie to come out while they finished. JT got ready we drank more beers, JT got a little more ready we drank a few more beers. By the time he came out I was less than sober, some may even have called me drunk by they were just jealous of the awesome time we were having. So I'm there rocking out, Jackie, Charles the intern and I are living life and loving it taking pictures singing songs dancing dances and drinking beers when all of a sudden this bitch behind me asks me if I can sit. I turn around and she repeats the question.

Bitch: Can you sit down?
Me: Um, no we are at a concert you should stand up
Bitch: There are sits for a reason
Me: What part of concert dont you get? You stand at concerts
Bitch: Why don't you go have another drink
Me: Maybe I will

I'm sorry #1 you are at a freaking concert stop being 85 years old with a walking and stand up or go home #2 was telling me to have another drink supposed to have been an insult? Bitch please.

Not wanting to disappoint the woman behind me I had another beer or two. The three of us (me, Jackie, and Charles the intern) hung out for a few more songs before deciding that JT wasn't all that exciting. In hindsight I see that leaving half way through may have been a regrettable decision, but whateves I didn't pay for the tickets. So we leave and we go to some bar I don't know the name of it, but it was fun at least I think it was fun. The highlight of my night after the JT concert was profusely apologizing to Charles because I spilt/dumped beer on him. To be honest I thought he was going to do it too and it was really only a little bit of beer.

The next morning Jackie and I sleep until they basically threw us out of the hotel. We get our shit together and walk across the street to this fab little Italian restaurant where we indulge in these wonderful squishy white bread sandwiches and panini sandwiches. Now had I known what was going to happen an hour later I would have not eaten the sandwiches, but I didn't know.

Jackie and I are in our car going to the airport when I start to feel very very very sick, I'm having cold sweats and doing some serious deep breathing, it's taking all I have to convince myself I can wait till I get to the airport, and all of a sudden it hits me like a ton of bricks I'm going to puke. I look around the driver doesn't know what to do we are on the damn bridge he cant pull over his back windows don't go down all of the way and right when I couldn't wait any longer Jackie pulls out a damn Tupperware container. Thank you Jackie thank you Jackie is all I can say and think. Needless to say we rode the rest of the way with the windows down. Why she had a Tupperware container in her bag I don't, and to be honest I really don't care. I made it to the airport threw up three more times and ended up having to stay the night in NYC because of weather.

Weird and Wonderful

I am weird I embrace being weird and wouldn't want it any other way. I think it would be unbelievably boring to be normal. Below is a list of things I do that make me weird.

1. I like to paint my toes crazy colors, even though everyone hates it I still love it, it makes me happy.

2. When I go to the bathroom at work I like to dance around. We a single person bathroom in my office and I like to dance in front of the mirror. I don't do this every time maybe 7 out of every 10 times.

3. I like to talk in weird voices all of the time, it makes me laugh.

4. I like to skip instead of walk and tend to do so on a frequent basis. I think skipping is a much happier form of movement than just plan walking.

5. I talk to myself, not in the actual I'm having a conversation with myself sort of way, but in the just random comments sort of way.

6. I like to dance when there is no music in public places, like the sandwich line at Publix, or the gym while pumping some iron, or while shopping for some threads.

7. I don't like sock feet. Most people think socks are comfy, but they really freak me out I don't know why but they do.

8. My closet is organized by type of clothes then by color, but the rest of my room is a freaking disaster area.

9. I don't eat chicken on the bone . . . oh wait that's Ashley never mind.

10. I named my cat lunchmeat

11. Probably the most telling of everything on this I was extremely disappointed that my list only contains 11 items.

Dont Ever Buy a Volkswagen Unless You Want to Spend $16,000 on a Piece of Crap

I, in case you didn't pickup on it, own a Volkswagen Jetta. I bought this car ok I leased this car (thank goodness) in March 2006 and since then have had nothing put problems. No, I haven't had any real mechanical problems, I did have to get new brakes a month ago, but apparently that was my fault whatever. The problems that I have been having with it are stupid things, but things that should not be happening to a new car. For starters the paint was peeling around my door and when I called the dealership they told me the VW rep was going to have to look at it and just to make things real convenient for everyone he only comes to town once a month. Excellent! I have nothing better to do I'll just sit around and wait for the rep to come to town and hope that you know I'm not traveling for work or anything because you know people don't have lives. So I bring my car to the dealership and the girl that handles the warranties tells me it will be covered by the warranty, but the rep still needs to look at it. Great fine whatever just fix it. I leave my car return to work and wait to hear what they are going to do to fix my car. Only the call I receive is from Christy, the warranty bitch, calling to tell me that the rep says it's not covered under my warranty and he will fix it for free but only this once and it's obviously happened because my rings or my purse are rubbing against the door. I am unbelievably infuriated at this crap she is feeding me, and feel it necessary to address this situation with the rep himself as he is obviously a giant ass and needs me to set him straight, but I cant talk to him because he is on his way back to whatever hell hole he crawled out of. So I make it very clear to Christy that my purse would never touch that part of the car and even if it did it isn't made out of steal wool and would not do that, and I'm sure every women out there would be pleased to know that according to Volkswagen because I'm a woman my car is going to fall apart. I then ask her if I am just never supposed to touch this part of the car because you know it's so fragile the paint might peal and I guess this millions and millions of cars out there that this has never happened to is just pure luck. I make it very clear to her that this is a manufactures defect I don't appreciate being talked to as I were a simpleton and will believe anything she says and if this happens again they will fix it for free, because I'm sorry the last time I checked paint isn't supposed to peal after a year and a half. So they order they part and a month and a half later it comes. (P.S. they were supposed to call me when it came in, but they never did and also never returned my many phone calls to the service department.) I drop my car off to get the paint fixed and my oil changed (oh yeah I have to get my oil changed at the dealership because only vw sells the oil filters so i have to pay $65 every time i want my damn oil changed). So they fix my shit and I think ok good I'm done with that no more problems with my car.

I boy was I wrong this part in the front of my car that snaps in, it snaps in I'm sorry what kind of lego car is this, keeps coming out. Whenever I take it by the dealership, who by the way hates me, they say oh that it just snaps in and out FUCK that I don't want a car with pieces that snap in and out I want a car with pieces that stay put.

Well today I walk out to my car to go get lunch and what do I see, but the "A" from the word "JETTA" is falling off my damn car. I don't drive a "JETT" ok I drive a "JETTA" and I want it to say "JETTA". Now I understand that none of these things effect the way the car runs, but I'm sorry I don't want my car to look like crap. This is the first brand new car I have ever owned and I want it to stay nice as long as possible. So I now have to call the dealership and get them to fix this, when will this end I ask you? I'll you when this will end it will end when my lease is up and I return that car and give everyone there a big fuck you.

Just for record I'm leaving out the three times I had to take my car to get it looked at before someone actually said the rep had to look at the paint or the rude sales person, or the idiot that told me my brakes were just dirty because he didn't actually feel like looking at why they were making a horrendous grinding noise and allowed me to drive off the lot in my death trap car with no brakes.

So basically the moral of this story bs & gs is don't buy a Volkswagen. The sales people suck, the service people suck and are stupid, and everything will go wrong with the car that can possibly go wrong.

Back in the Saddle Again

As many of you know I have been planning for some time now to move to NYC, well my friends those plans have fallen through. I wont get into why, not here not now, I want to instead focus on my new direction in life and that is school. As many of you also know I have been less than satisfied with my current career and have been desperately looking to change the path of misery that I am currently on.

I have decided that I no longer wish to be a member of the rat race of the corporate world, I no longer wish to kiss the asses of the over indulged. I no longer wish to yes when all i want to say is NO. I don't care any more about the powerful people that I have meetings with, or the 1,000 person dinners in NYC or Washington, DC or where ever that I put on, or the trips that I get to take. None of it means anything if I'm truly unhappy, and folks I hate to say it but I am. Now not being one for bitching without doing something about I have decided to, drum roll please,




GO BACK TO SCHOOL TO BECOME A TEACHER!

It is very interesting when I decided to move to New York every person I met was supportive and told me I would love it, I would do great, New York will by my lady, but now that I have decided to teach the support comes in waives. I hear a lot more you wont like its or you'll get boreds than anything else, and that always amazes me. How can anyone think teaching could ever be boring? I say to these people you are wrong you will see, and if you aren't wrong and I hate it I'm still young I'll just change careers again. I, however think that this is it for me. I have always found teaching appealing. It has nothing to do with having summers off, I could care less about having the summers off to be honest, I want to be a positive influence in someones life that may have no one. I want someone to one day look back and say "Ms. Pittman, she was my favorite teacher, she changed my life."

Obviously quitting my job, oh did I leave that part out? I'm quitting my job so I can go back to school full time, don't worry I wont need any of you to support me I plan on getting a bartending job at a very nice restaurant in Charleston (thanks JT). Anywho so I will need school supplies below is a list of things I will need. Seeing as I am starting school in January that will give all of you plenty of time to purchase at least one thing on my list.

Lisa Frank Trapper-Keeper
Mead 5-Star notebook
At-A-Glance Day Planner
Erasers
Bic Colored Pens
Bic Regular Pens
Highlighters
Laptop (I think I want an Apple because they look so snazzy, are they compatible with Microsoft Word?)
Color Printer (Do they even make b&w printers any more)
Dividers
College Rule Paper
Pencil case with the mushy top and the drawers that opened with the buttons
#2 Yellow Pencils
White Out
Scissors
School shoes
Starbucks Gift Card (Matt I realize you no longer work at Starbucks, but if you still have the hook-up hit a bitch up, you know wha I'm sayin)
Printer Paper
Stapler with staples
Folders
School Party Dress (I love a good party dress)
Ink for my new printer (ink type obviously dependent on the type of printer)
Pencil sharpener
Calculator (I don't plan on taking any math courses, but I like to be prepared)
Free money

Buy me one thing from my list hell buy the whole list or just tell me you are happy for me.

Look out College of Charleston Sarah is back.





FYI I posted this picture, because it was taken when we were in college, do you see the connection? Plus I think we look cute as all get out.

On My Way to Becoming Infamous

One of my goals before I die is to have a song written about me. I dont mean some stupid silly song that my bf sings to me one night while we are only in his room. I mean a song that everyone listens to on the radio, a song that makes girls cry, a song that boys take the lyrics from and send them to their gfs. I want my Wonderwall or my Delilah. Below is the first song that has been written about me. Does it leave a lot to be desired? Yes, but what can I expect it's the first to have ever been writen about me, at least to my knowledge, it can't be perfect right away.

Sing to the tune of "Hey There Delilah" by The Plain White T's

"Hey there Ms. Pittman
Whats it like in your own double (bed)?
You're absent from my side,
Won't come over for a ride.

I lay with my browndog
With her but smashed to face,
Oh how I hate this place.

I know I toss and turn at night,
And in the morning you look like you've lost fight
Ms. Pittman come be by my side.
Won't cha come on for a ride?

Oh its What you do to me
Oh its what you do to me
Oh its What you do to me
Oh its what you do to me
what you do to me."

What's next fratastic

Tis a sad sad sad day when words like "ginormous" and "smackdown" are added to the dictionary, and I would like to thank Merriam-Webster for making this so. Every year they add and remove words to and from the dictionary, I am not so much interested in the words they removed as I am in the words they added. They freaking added ginormous, GINORMOUS. Dont get me wrong I use ginormous all the damn time, but I would never in a million trillion years think it should be added to the dictionary, as if it were a real word.

So basically what this tells me is I can just start making up words, and make sure I say them all the time so other people start saying them and inevitably at least one or two of those words will be added to the dictionary. I mean the odds totally play in my favor here, if I make up lets say 900 words I think I am at least guaranteed that three words will end up in the dictionary at some point in time.

My first official word is "shmeeling". Shmeeling - a female feeling or emotion not easily defined or understood. Usually brought on for no particular and rapidly appears and then disappears. Learn it and use it blognation. More words to come I promise.

In case you were wondering here is 20 of the new "words" Merriam-Webster added to the dictoinary:

1. agnolotti
2. Bollywood
3. chaebol
4. crunk
5. DVR
6. flex-cuff
7. ginormous
8. gray literature
9. hardscape
10. IED
11. microgreen
12. nocebo
13. perfect storm
14. RPG
15. smackdown
16. snowboardcross
17. speed dating
18. sudoku
19. telenovela
20. viewshed

Dear Starbucks

I recently went to Starbucks to enjoy what I had hoped would be a wonderful cup of flavored coffee, but much to my dismay turned out to be an iced cup of crap in turn please find my below letter to Starbucks expressing my deep disappointment.

Dear Starbucks,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter, but I would be remiss if I did not address the disappointment that you have brought me. For many years now I have been a loyal patron of yours, I never stray or faultier in my affection for your liquid delight. When you increase your prices I agree to pay them as I am always satisfied despite the fact that I have to empty my savings account to purchase a Venti Iced NF Vanilla Latte or a Lite Caramel Frap or a Venti Black Tea Lemonade Sweetened. I do it because you have never let me down, that is until yesterday. I was traveling back from a long journey to Bonneau, SC for a family gathering when my road companion and I got an over whelming urge for your sweet coffee goodness. We diverted from our original path of travel to a local Barnes & Noble that so wonderfully serves your multitude of beverages.

My traveling companion, Michael decided to play it safe with a Grande Peppermint Mocha or Christmas in a cup as I so affectionately like to call it, and I made the fatal mistake of diverting from my usual 4 choices to a new selection that was so gloriously posted all along the B & N Starbucks Cafe. I my friend, went with a Grande NF Iced Raspberry Mocha. I must confess I was swayed by the shiny posters and the colorful pictures of the whip cream topped Raspberry disaster. I waited with anticipation as the Barista made my new found drink and took the first sip with a smile on my face, a smile that quickly faded. I was devastated by what was in my hand, and hurt by your evil trick.

Starbucks, why would you do this to me? Why would you lead me down such an evil and nasty path. I was forced to throw away the horrible decision that I had made as I could no longer look at the evidence of your betrayal. This NF Iced Raspberry Mocha tasted more like a raspberry chocolate covered butt hole than a cup of coffee. It was quite frankly one of the worst things I have ever consumed.

It will take me a long time to ever trust you again Starbucks, from now on I will know that your suggested drinks are nothing more then evil tricks, and I will NOT be taking them

Sincerely,
Sarah

Riddle me this

I have some questions I would like to present to all my many readers, these are things I, although extremely intelligent, have not been able to figure out.



1. Why do people think they can just eat/take whatever they want in the fridge at work? I don't mind sharing (as long as it's on a very limited basis), but what I do mind is people thinking that the salad dressing or crackers or pretzels are there for community consumption. Um, did you buy those? No, you didn't and do you know what that means? That means someone else did, and that someone is me so stop eating my shit bitch.



2. People that drive slow in the left hand lane. Have you ever driven before, don't they teach you to get out of my way when you take your driving test? The left lane is for going fast. And, the thing that really gets me are the people that get pissed off when I have to honk and yell at them. Why do people do this? Why do people think that just because they have a car they can drive like crap and act like no one else is on the road?



3. Why can Outlook never work properly EVER?



4. Why are my contacts always always always fuck up, and my eyes are wonky wonky wonky? I seriously have the most f'ed up eyes ever. Why cant I just have regular eyes?



5. Why cant the sub ladies at Harris Teeter make subs right? I'm sorry isn't that your job to make a freaking sub? I love turkey and I love when turkey sandwiches are $2.49, so naturally I go to Harris Teeter on Tuesdays and get the $2.49 sub, and by 'I go" I mean I send my intern to go. But my intern is home sick today aka hungover so I had to go to Harris Teeter, and it was a horrible experience. Is it really that hard to make a sub I don't think so. P.S. I'm pretty certain I've bitched about shitty sub making before, it's very important to me.

and last but not least Why haven't I been able to find someone yet that wants to just give me money because I'm cute?

People, people, people

First thing is first to all my thousands of readers pictures of my brother as promised.

Second, I would like to address how freaking annoying it is when someone has an issue with you and instead of actually addressing it with you they decide to bitch about it to someone else. Bitch if you have a problem with something I said or did man up and say something to me about it. Case in point my friend, lets call him Shmuce tends to get really really drunk and sketch out and we all know this and we love him and that's ok, because that's what he does, so we all make sure to look out for Shmuce because heaven knows where he would end up if we didnt. So Shmuce was wearing a hat last night and this hat ended up on another girl's head, so around whatever time it was I cant find Shmuce so I ask the girl that is wearing his hat, lets call her Bitch 1 where Shmuce is and she responds with "who", I repeat the question she again responds with "who" and is getting a little pissy and I point to the hat and say "Shmuce the guy whose hat you are wearing, do you know where he is?" and "she's like oh, yeah no." Now I'm sorry but if you are wearing someone's hat and oh yeah have been hanging out with this person all damn night shouldnt you at least know who the fuck they are. At this point I realize Shmuce has probably peaced out to go do how knows what, so I decided to walk up to her and just take the hat, cause I dont like her. Now, I do realize that this probably wasnt the most mature thing to do, but I did it and I'd do it again.

So after this Bitch 1's sister Bitch 2 decides to call my friend and bitch about what I did. Um, I'm sorry are we in fifth grade do you really feel the need to tattle-tell on me? If you have a problem with something I said or did then address it with me not our mutual friend. FUCK. Sorry that just really makes me mad. Is it really neccessary to drag someone else into something as stupid as me taking a hat off your bitch sister's head. No, and the thing that gets me is that's such a stupid girl move. Hence the reason most of my friends are dudes, because guys dont play that shit. I cant deal with all that stupid drama.

Ugh, whatevs. Have a happy weekend!

CONGRATULATIONS!

My little brother is graduating high school today and I'm slightly freaking out for various reasons, but that's neither here nor there. It's a short post today with the sole purposes of wishing my bubba Congratulations. I LOVE YOU ROSS! I'm so proud of you and wish the world for you. You are truly a wonderful person, I couldnt have asked for a better brother.

P.S. I was going to add some pictures, but the damn thing wont work.

Raise Your Hand if You are a Loser

FYI, my hand is raised. There are many different ways to be a loser, you can have no friends and stay home every single night of your life, you can play dungeons and dragons, you can wear heeleys and be over the age of 9 (j/k, or am I), you can be unfunny, you can not like to drink, or you can be like me and be a 24 year old workaholohic. This is nothing new I have been a workaholohic since basically forever, and I'm ready for a change. I wouldn't mind being a workaholohic if I had this really cool really amazing job that I loved going to every single day, or if i was doing something that actually made a difference a real difference, but I don't have either one of those. Don't get me wrong my job can be really cool, two weeks ago I did 300 person cocktail reception and dinner at the Statue of Liberty, last October I did a Gala with the First Lady in NYC, last week I was on a call with the Secretary of the Department of the Interior; but overall I don't find satisfaction in my job. Perhaps it is because I have been here for 7 years, and I am only 24 and naturally ready for a change. Honestly I get bored with dating someone after 3 months and I have been with the same company for 7 years.

So the question now is "what am i going to do to fix this situation?", and honestly I don't know. I am moving to NYC which is huge, because I have lived in Chucktizzle my whole life so that is a start, but the next logical answer to my problem is finding a new job and that is so scary. I know, I know I'm a loser. Most people that are 24 aren't this attached to their jobs, most 24 year olds can pack up and leave at the drop of a hat, are travelling the country side, are actually living their lives, but not me, because I am a 24 year old workaholohic and have a weird attachment to my job.

Ok this is what we are going to do people, I want each one of you to find me a job; something fun, something fab, something challenging, something that allows me to feel like I'm actually doing something good for mankind, and hopefully one of the thousands of offers I will get will hopefully help me turn my frown upside down and be happy with what I am doing. Please and thank you.

Waiting is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off

Hello Internet family. I'm extremely frustrated because the people at US Airways seem to be some of the most stupid people on the face of the earth (this includes the extremely rude woman that claimed to be a supervisor that hung up on). I'm sitting on hold waiting to talk to another Supervisor, or Manager, or someone that can help me and I'm bored so I've decided to write a blog. I must warn you though I've got nothing to write a blog about so who knows where this is going to go.

I know let's talk about how NBC has cancelled The Black Donnellys, how October Road is over for the season this Thursday, and how Entourage is always always way too short.

1. Am I the only person that's super sad/pissed that NBC cancelled The Black Donnellys? That show was so good, and the brother that was the lead guy was so hot. It's like they didn't even give the show a chance. What it was on for like 4 episodes and then it was gone. That's what I looked forward to on Monday nights. I saw let's start a letter writing campaign and get Black Ds back.

2. Why is October Road over for the season this Thursday? Seriously there have been like 6 episodes and now it's going to be over for the season this Thursday. Why that's just crazy. I mean Bryan Greenberg aka Nick Garrett is so freaking hot it's ridic, and who isn't happy that Donna is doing so well? ABC needs more October Road and less Desperate Housewives (I'm so over that show.)

3. WHY IS ENTOURAGE ALWAYS SO SHORT? Hello I love this show I wait all week for 10:00pm Sunday and the actual show last night was literally 20minutes long. What's next, 15minute sitcoms? Say it with me "We Want Longer Entourage Episodes. We Want Longer Entourage Episodes." Like we all couldn't use a little more Vinny Chase doing the hot/whiny thing that he does, Drama reliving the good ole days, Turtle to turn Ashley on, E I don't know what E does but he does it well, Ari with his fab one liners damn I love him. I do pose one question to everyone out there; what is the take on more Lloyd? I like Lloyd, I love love Lloyd, but it does kind of gay the show up don't you think? More so then the Ari/Vince/ love non-triangle triangle does. Now please PLEASE don't get me wrong I love LOVE the gays, but I think it's too much I think Lloyd's character was made more of an impact when it was in small doses, but that's just my opinion.

That's it for now.

Oh FYI the women that claimed to be a supervisor wasn't and I spoke to a real supervisor and she couldn't have been nicer and more together.

Celebrity Gossip I am your bitch lover and I miss you so

Dear Celebrity Gossip,
I am sorry that I have been away for so long I gave you up for a good reason and now that I have you back I have no time for you. You make my life better with your bitchy comments, dirty sex scandals, nip slips, and pee pee shots real or fake. I know we started out so strong and I was so dedicated for so long, I am sure you must ask yourself "what have I done wrong?" Well celebrity gossip you haven't done anything wrong. It is me I am the one that has done something wrong. I have let work get in the way of what it is important, you and all your gorgessity mean the world to me and yet I treat you like you don't matter. Laineygossip.com, thesuperficial.com, pinkisthenewblog.com, and popsugar.com to name a few of you my days would be bleak with out you.

Thank you for always being there for me for always providing me with "reliable" information no matter what else in the world may be going on. When I was strained in many an airport for no real reason you were there to entertain me, when I didn't feel like working because work was making me want to gouge my eyes out you were there, and when I was lonely on a Tuesday night you were there.

My resolution from here on out is to stop being so selfish and to start putting you before my work. I promise to always know who is pickling who, who is rumored to be gay or had a lesbian love affair, who is entering/leaving rehab, who is refusing to have their picture taken because they just want to lead a normal life, and to always always know what new diseases have infected Paris Hilton and Lyndsey Lohan and what crazy anticts Brit Brit is up to these days.

Thank you celebrity gossip without you I would be lost.

Sarah

What is wrong with the world we live in

I cant stop thinking about what happened at Virginia Tech. No matter what I do my mind drifts back to the students, the facility, the families everyone whose lives have been forever changed by the acts of one selfish person. I cant imagine waking up and going to class one Monday morning and being greeted by a crazed gunman. The mass hysteria that took the place of the once quiet campus has now been replaced by a somber silence. I cant help but feel like on some level it's wrong to go on with my day as if nothing has happened as if 33 people were not murdered yesterday and for what? Because some twisted sick person decided to take his revenge against the "rich kids, debauchery, and deceitful charlatans". I do not know anyone at Virginia Tech, but I do have friends that know people that are in school there, have friends there, or siblings there and I can not image what they must be going through. I cant imagine being a parent of a student at Virginia Tech or the spouse of a facutly to member at Virginia Tech the unknowing would must be unbareble. Officials have yet to release all of the names of those murdered yesterday, and my heart goes out to every family and every friend that is just sitting there waiting to find out what has become of their loved ones.

"Why did this happen and what could have been done to prevent it from happening" will inevitably be the next questions asked, and ones that should be asked, but both are questions that can not be answered easily. According to cnn.com Cho Seung-Hui was an English Major and had an ascendancy to write plays so disturbing they had to be turned into the Head of the English Department, but what could they really have done? In college you are supposed to be able to express yourself and grow freely, but where do you draw the line between expressing your self and recognizing a call for help. I'm not going to get into the whole gun control issue argument or the freedom of speech argument (I think we've all had enough of that argument lately) right now because that's not the point of this blog. The point is to remember those that died yesterday and ask everyone to pray for those that were lost pray for their families and their friends, pray for the students and the facility and staff at Virginia Tech. Things will never be the same there again.

I put the "itch" in what?

I am 23 years old and for someone that is 23 I’d like to think I know myself fairly well. I’m still changing quite a bit and I discover new things about myself everyday and am continuously trying to evolve into someone better, but despite all of this the one thing that has never changed and I don’t see changing is the fact that I’m a bitch. This is a label I wear proudly I don’t think of it as a bad thing I embrace it and love it. The only problem with being a bitch is that people tend to think that if you are a bitch you must be a horrible person, and that’s simply not true.

Yes, I have high expectations I have them for myself and I have them for others. When I order an appetizer I don’t expect it to come out with my entrée and when it does you can beat your last dollar I will ask for the entrée to be taken back and if need be remade. No, it’s not ok that I asked for a bed with NO feathers because Im allergic to them and I have now had to call house keeping three times to ask for foam pillows and this is not including the request that was made when I made my hotel reservation and the double checking that took place when I checked in to verify that I indeed was given foam pillows, because I’m sorry I’m not sorry I don’t like waking up in the middle of the night stuffy and having a hard time breathing, and I still have feather pillows, and it’s also not ok with me that I’ve just stood at the sandwich counter at Publix for 5 minutes while the guy tinkers with the chicken cooker and cant even be bothered to say to me “I/someone will be right with you”, because last I checked you were getting paid to work the deli counter at Publix and I’m pretty certain that making me a sandwich is part of working the deli counter at Publix

Now pay attention because here is where the difference between being a bitch and a good person and a bitch and not a good person comes in. Yes, I have high expectations and tend to not accept anything less, but at the same time I am honest I try not to lie, I don’t steal, I don’t cheat, I don’t litter, I don’t fight, I donate money when I have it to charity, I like to volunteer when I’m home, I’m dedicated, I’m a hard worker. I’m a good person, but I think that sometimes gets lost because I’m not exactly the laid back type. I’m not going to just sit there and look pretty, if I disagree with you you will know it, if you’ve pissed me off you will know it, if I got shitty service you will know it. When someone f’s up I’m learning to decipher between whether they did it because they simply don’t care and/or are trying to piss me off or if they really do care and really didn’t mean to f up in which case I am trying to be more accepting. Why because I’m a good person.

Now a bitch that is a bitch and isn’t a good person obviously has a lot in common with me, but lacks the basic understanding that all people deserve to be treated with a minimal amount of respect for no other reason then they are human beings. The basic difference I think is the way not good people go about interacting with everyone else in the world. The basic I’m better than you the world owes me for gracing them with my presence approach to life. I cant stand that shit. Didn’t anyone teach you that you catch more flies with honey, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, dont be a raging bitch all the damn time. It’s really not that hard of a concept to master, and don’t be surprise when no one wants to be around you because you are a horrible person, but I digress.

The point of this blog is that you can be opinionated and you can have high standards and be successful without being unnecessarily mean to everyone that crosses your path or make everyone around you feel like the size of an ant and want to kill themselves. I do it everyday. At least I think I do.

My must does

Ok so it's 4:19am and I cant sleep and instead of getting some work done to be ahead of things when I get to work I've decided to write a blog (yes, thank you I bring work home I'm a workohlic). This is a list of things I would like to do before I leave Charleston. Some of them are things I have never done before, some are things I have done but not in ages, and some are just general must do one last timers. So here it goes. P.S. (too early for a P.S. oh well) I dont have my glasses on and dont feel like looking for them so oh well if my typing is um less than perfect.

1. Pick fruit on Johns Island strawberries, peaches, watermelons, bananas, mangoes whatever I don't care I just want to pick some damn fruit.
2. Go on a tour of Ft. Moultrie and Ft. Sumter I did it a bunch when i was in school, but you know I was all too cool to actually pay attention to the park ranger leading the tour and appreciate the history that these places had to offer.
3. Picnic at the Battery it doesn't have to be romantic it can be a bunch of friends I don't care, but i want to bring a blanket and food and drinks (not alcohol because i might get arrested and i don't have money for bail). This one is timely because once it hits mid-May it's way way too hot to do something like this
4. Spend the day with my brother/mother/father. I mean i see them all the time and we are really close, but I feel like we never actually do anything together aside from going the 2 hour car trips to Columbia to see my Aunt in which i inevitably want to kill myself. So i want to spend time with them each alone just doing whatever
5. Make out on the beach at night. It's literally been ages and ages since I've done this and come on whats better than making out with a hot guy under the stars with the ocean at your feet? Nothing that's what
6. Go on a carriage ride. This one i could do without, because I don't think i could sit by all the tourists, but its on the list
7. Go four wheeling . . . hello fun
8. Go off shore fishing Ive never been id like to go I think it would be awesome
9. Go horseback riding i love horseback riding and I don't know that there are a lot of places to go horseback riding in NYC
10. Go to brunch at High Cotton. This is a simple thing, but something i can never manage to get myself up for and apparently the brunch here is amazing, it is apparently rather expensive that's ok its my last summer here right
11. Get a tattoo that reads "Southern Girl For Life" on my left ankle.


JUST KIDDING
12. Go out on a sailboat
13. Go to a few more concerts at the Music Farm and the Wind Jammer
14. Learn how to run a boat. This will more than likely not happen unless I meet someone with a boat that has a lot of patience and is willing to teach me
15. Trip to the great island of Cappers
16. Take pictures from the top of the Ravenel Bridge and maybe run it, but that's a big maybe
17. Have a huge going away party

Ok that's it for now I know there must be more, but I'm tired and can't think of anything else. Look for another post later today something not about Charleston i think I feel like reliving life as a band dork and why i loved it so much. Who's excited?

My fantasy mailbag

Ok if Josh whatever his last name is should be happy that I remember his first name, can have a mailbag then I can have a fantasy mailbag. I love fantasy worlds I constantly live in like 7 fantasy worlds so this is my fantasy mailbag. In this world my blog is so popular that I get so many questions it takes me weeks to read them so here is a small sample of some of the questions I have received thus far.

Q. Why am I so wonderful?
A. Because I am, I dont have a real answer or real reason I just am. Sometimes I think wow is it really possible for someone to be this weird oh wait oh the word was wonderful yes thats what I meant wonderful, I'm wonderful not weird no I'm not weird at all. Next question

Q. Will you have my babies?
A. Um, no I appreciate you thinking of me, but I dont think I can do that. I have a strict no babies for strangers policy and I'm sorry but you are a stranger. Again thank you for asking though.

Q. What will you be doing this weekend?
A. I will be in NYC with Ashley. Ok that question wasnt very interesting I just wanted to tell everyone that I will be in NYC this weekend. It's Ashley's first trip. Who's excited? I am

Q. What is the real Sarah Pittman like?
A. Complete and total opposite of what you read in my blog. I'm shy, not funny, dont like to drink, hate curse words. This is all a facade. Thanks for asking, and thanks for bringing up the fact that I'm actually painfully shy.

Q. Will you marry me?
A. How much money do you make?

Q. You seem like so much fun do you need a partner in crime I would be honored to hang out with someone as assume as you?
A. Thanks I like to think of myself as fun at least I always have fun when I'm with myself, but I actually already have a partner in crime, Ashley. We do however recruite when we meet someone worthy of the Sarah/Ashley assumeness, but I cant promise anything.

Ok folks that's it for now keep the questions coming and I'll do another mailbag.

i'm so sorry

Heeeeeellllllooooooooo blogging community. I've just realized that when I started this blog I promised to regale you with stories of my drunken experiences complete with enough curse words to make a sailor blush, and I have fallen down on my promise to my avid readers, and for this I'm sorry. In order to right this wrong I'm going to the vault and I'm pulling out a Sarah Pittman original. A story that embodies all that I am.


One night about a year - year and a half ago (I always think events are a year - year and a half in the past) a bunch of us decided to go to Torch a local Martinee ("Is that a Martinee?" Sweet Home Alabama anyone no just me ok back to my story) bar, where the drinks are awesome way over priced but awesome and strong as all get out. Well we are hanging out doing are thing you know whatever whatever. And by the end of the night I've had any where from 5-12 drinks. So 2am aka closing time roles around and everyone says their goodbyes and Ashley and I make our way to her car, and oh wait oh no what is this feeling that has come over me ah yes I have to pee. Of course I didn't have to pee 2 minutes ago, but I have to go now and there is no waiting. So I cop a squat on the side of the road to the side of Ashley's car, because when you are squatting beside a car you become invisible. I bet you didn't know that, but it's true so remind that kiddies. Any who so I'm squatting peeing and Ashley's laughing working look out and she feels it most important to warn me that I'm about to pee on myself, now I ask you who wouldn't find that to be the funniest statement ever? Well I did and I lost my balance and fell forward peeing all over my jeans. Obviously I couldn't ride home in my pee pants so the only logical thing to do was take them off and ride home in the front seat of Ashley's car butt-ass-naked from the waist down. Classy is typcially how I refer to myself, thank you.

Now I know what you are thinking, oh Sarah you are so silly that story is so good how could it get any better? Well it does. So we get back to Ashley's and she gives me a change of clothes because no one wants a naked Sarah running around. So I change and boy did I work up an appetite changing my clothes. So I precede to raid her refrigerator and when she comes out she finds me sitting Indian style in front of the refrigerator the room only illuminated by the light from the fridge, because I was being sneaky. I'm stuffing my face with turkey just stuffing it. I've got turkey all over my face all over my shirt all over my new clean pants, and she basically has to drag me away from the fridge and from the turkey that is her roommates, her mean roommates, and then I passed out. See I told you it got better.

I will leave you with that, I know everyone has an extremely elevated opinion of me after reading that truly wonderful story please do leave comments. I was recently informed that you are a "loser" if you don't have more than 8 comments per blog and I don't know if anyone has noticed, but my average is like 1 1/2 so send this on to everyone you know and maybe they will leave me comments and I can stop being "socially inept"

Charleston, why I will miss it so

I was driving to work this morning with my windows down and the radio blaring and I was thinking about how excited I am to move to New York and then it hit me I’m leaving Charleston, I’m leaving my home the one place I know like the back of my hand. My excitement quickly faded away and was replaced with a deep empty sadness; I began to think about my friends that by the end of the year will be spread across the country and how this summer I want everyone to get together for one last shindig, and how this past weekend Ashley and I went to the Market and how I found a ring that I want to buy before I leave so I can wear it always and have a little piece of Charleston with me. I began to wonder what my very last day will be like in Charleston, what will I do who will I see where will I go for the last time? Yes, I realize I can visit Charleston, but it won’t be the same and I know that.
So I have taken Ashley’s list of things she will miss about Charleston and edited it to reflect what I will miss.
a. Folly Beach. I grew up going to Folly Beach literally grew up going to Folly Beach. I can remember this one time when I couldn’t have been more than 4 years old, it was in the middle of winter and my mom had gone to Columbia to take the CPA exam so my dad picked me up from Kindergarten and took me to the beach. He bundled me up in my big purple winter coat (I love purple) and we went out to Folly Beach so I could play in the sand. I can remember it like it was yesterday I was so happy to be at the beach in the winter time.
b. The little painted boat on your way to Folly. This boat has been on the side of Folly Road since Hurricane Hugo in 1989. I don’t know when and I don’t know why, but people started painting the boat with birthday wishes, marriage proposals, graduation congratulations, and anything else you can think of. When I was 16 one of my good friends at the time painted the boat for my birthday, I still have the pictures some where.
c. Tom and Jerry’s on Folly Beach which is now Bert’s Market. I don’t remember when exactly it changed names, but it did. The name change was almost symbolic of my maturing Tom and Jerry’s was where I went with my Dad as a child after he dragged me away from the beach for a blue Nehi (does anyone remember those, do they still make Nehi) and a pack of candy, Bert’s was where I would hang out on any given summer night when I was 15 with my group of friends hoping we could convince someone to buy us a 12-pak or, now that I’ve stopped hanging out there and only stop by on my way to the washout, to legally pickup a 24-pak, a cup of boiled peanuts and an egg roll
d. the washout. the guys, the tans, the surfers, the sun, the water. Nothing like it.
e. Palm trees, oak trees with moss, Dogwoods, long grass, and wild flowers the vast open spaces that make Charleston so appealing to so many
f. Boiled Peanuts and beer from the Peanut man.
g. The Blind Tiger, Vendue Inn, Tsunami, Boulevard Dinner, Poe’s, Red’s Icehouse, Doe’s Pita, Eastbay Deli, Kickin Chicken, Mellow, Gilroys even Mad River. All the places I like to go either to drink, eat, or just hang out
h. Shrimp and grits. southern made shrimp and grits.
i. boys in sperry's, seersucker, rainbows, bowties, madras, crokies, costas, out on the boat with tan lines from their costas and crokies. It’s so wonderfully southern and so wonderfully charming. You cant beat a southern boy
j. 75 degrees in November. 75 degrees in March. 95 degrees in June
k. Riverdog's thirsty thursday games. $1 beers. grilled out hotdogs and turkey legs. I remember when the Riverdogs use to be the Charleston Rainbows (they changed their name for obvious reasons) I can remember running around under the bleachers chasing boys I liked and trying to find foul balls at the old baseball stadium
l. My family, my friends, and my cat
m.King Street, its one of the main streets in downtown Charleston so much is there
n. Carolina Cup: I won't be around to witness the event that is Carolina Cup. Horses, beer, and coeds dressed to the 9s in southern attire.
o.Carolina Gamecocks and college football season.
p. All the people that know me anywhere I go on a usual basis.
q. People with state flag paraphernalia, South Carolina is like no other state in that we have turned our state flag into a fashion statement
r. The Battery, Rainbow Row, the Market, McLeod, and all the history that makes up Charleston
s. Ability to leave my purse, belongings, car door, front door open and no one steals anything.
t.7 minute drive to work, 10 minute drive to the beach, 12 minute drive to downtown, 15 minute drive to mt. pleasant, and 20-30 minutes to go anywhere else I may want to go.
u. Going out on the boat almost every weekend to Capers Island. beer, water, fun and the sun.
v. Trivia at Kickin Chicken....fun while it lasted.
w. Walks along Waterfront
x. Being able to drive when ever I want, having the windows down and my hair blowing with the radio turned up way way too loud
y. Never actually having to use a winter coat.
z. Southern hospitality

Putting all these things aside I couldn’t be happier and more excited to move to New York, I’m ready to actually feel like I’m living my life. So look out New York here I come with my lovey by my side.